I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
