they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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