$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
