Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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