I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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