Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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