my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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