happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
