So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
