Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
