You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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