A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize