I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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