remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You are a genius and a whore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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