remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
