Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize