Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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