it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
