i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
