And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
