Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
