eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How does one acquire holy water?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
