my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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