I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
