yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
