the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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