1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Pants are for mortals
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
