I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
