I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
