we have officially lost it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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