booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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