You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
