1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
