I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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