idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
