you didnt know i had herpes?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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