there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
