Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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