Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
