Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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