I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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