You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
