weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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