My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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