I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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