I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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