When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
