gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
