R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who died my cat blue again?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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