we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
