i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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