What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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