Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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