does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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