also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
