Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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