I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
