no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
