went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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