pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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