Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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