Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
