Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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