Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
