two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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