my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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