Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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