I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
