Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
