Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
