No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
